The high season is about to begin in Marbella! That means loads of tourists, parties … and lots of crazy figures of course! Every year exceptional figures return to Marbs, they dress weirdly or you see them barely because they sleep their entire holiday on the toilet.
Last year around 748,367 tourists visited Marbella. This year we expect extreme cases of weird figures leaving the Spaniards the shock of their lives. We list the ten most common ones. Sorry if you recognize yourself … ?
#1 THE BODYBUILDER KEBAB
There is the overly brown-baked Schwarzenegger wider than four bouncers side by side. When he spots the photographer with his photographer-radar —whoppaaa— belly in, chest forward and arms wide as if he has to poop.
“No, a protein shake is just fine…”
#2 THE RICH DAD
Gray-haired 40+ men who are surrounded by 18+ girls (gold diggers). The sexy credit card vampires get everything done. But it really bothers you that this man thinks she is with him for his good personality and beautiful appearance (not).
“Come to daddy”
#3 THE INFLUENCER
This person takes so many photos for Instagram that the club can switch off the stroboscope. GOPRO on a stickie in the middle of the club —Fuck The World— but don’t you dare ruin her shot. Then you are at war.
“Don’t forget to apply a filter.”
“You don’t want your followers to see a wrinkle.”
#4 THE PHARMACIST
Some are doctors who are highly educated and some are a walking PHARMACIST enough to supply entire Marbella with narcotic drugs for a month. This man (or woman) is dancing as he or she is on hot coals, like he or she has to poop.
“What do you mean, it’s only 1 o’clock in the afternoon?”
#5 THE YOUNG ONES
How well do you know your buddy? Your buddy had too much to drink and he or she becomes just a little too comfortable. For the men: no, those chicks don’t think it’s funny when you’re standing in the middle of the dance floor doing the helicopter dance. And for the women: #freethenipple is totally fine, but not when innocent people are hit by your wild behavior.
“Look at that dancing breast milk”
“What a wacko”
#6 THE ADHD PERSON
Take. a. Chill. Pill. Man!
Every evening again:
“I drank 25 Red Bulls!”
“Okay, in 2 minutes to Ocean Club”
#7 THE STRANDED WHALE
Here we go again. Flat with the face on the street. Beware! Some are descendants of the caterpillar, only in extreme need does it move (when he or she can use a drink).
“Excuse me, passing through”
#8 THE PISSED OFF DUDE
Before you reach your final destination you hear a strange noise …
… you see a tourist near a tree, head down and legs spread wide open a ballerina will be jealous.
That’s right, a public urinator, and the pee goes all directions — from left to right, top to bottom — A woman shamelessly pulls her thong down (if she wears one) and pees like the exorcism scene.
— You stare at your glass of beer —
#9 THE KARTRASHIANS
She is very hot, she treats the staff like trash and has an annoying stupid brain. Exactly the Kartrashian. With her rock star manners she expects that she will receive special treatment at the club.
“Bring me a Chateau d’Yquem”
“That’s € 115.00 + 300 for the table”
#10 THE CONTROLLER
God doesn’t even know how he (or she) does it, but this type of person catches new fish every night and has a VIP membership at the STD club.
“let’s go to the bathroom”